July 21-25

Monday's chemo was another hard day. She had a really hard time going. She was so scared that it was going to be like Thursday. She kept saying "I just want to go home." She started throwing up as we got there again. She was very sad and crying threw all of check in. In the exam room she sat on my lap and snuggled in her minky blanket the whole time. Still saying:

"I just want to go home"  

"I want to go home to my big family". 

"I'm so scared"

"I don't want to go to the back" 

    (that's where you get the chemo)

As they got her accessed she started throwing up again. The smells and tastes have always bothered her but this last week it's making her sick too. They finally get her accessed but then they couldn't get a blood return. So they had to flush it out several times hoping to get it to work. Brinley can taste everything they put in her port so it just made her more upset. We gave her lifesavers to suck on and that helped. After trying a good 6+ things over an hour they thankfully finally got blood return. We then sat in the room for over an hour (I think they forgot about us) and thankfully she fell asleep. She stayed asleep until we had to move to the back for the chemo. We walked back and she woke up and started saying the same things. Mostly how scared she was. I tried to tell her it wasn't going to be like the last time but all she could think about was last time and she DID NOT want to do that again. We finally got to start the chemo and they started having issues with the blood return again. So they put a little chemo in and then they draw back to make sure they have good flow but they couldn't get any blood. So after 30 minutes and doing many times of kicking her legs, raising her hands above her head, sitting up straight, laying flat and finally kicking again we FINALLY, THANKFULLY, got blood return. If they can't get the return they'd have to stop and they have order up a med (takes an hour to get it sent up) then they put it in and have to wait 30 mins and then try again. We've had to do that once in the past. We finished chemo and they are deaccessing her, taking the tape off and she starts telling the nurse "you are making this so difficult." It was pretty funny. After all was said and done and I talked to her to point out this chemo was way easier than the last time and that they won't do the other one again she was so happy and relieved. She was just happy and fun on the way home but sleepy. Wanted pizza so we stop and got some. Ate a bread stick and instantly threw it up. She was very tired and stayed wrapped up in her blanket and just laid around the rest  of the night. Gave her some pain meds before bed and that helped a lot. I'm hoping next week will be easier since she understands she won't feel like she did on Thursday again.  This may seem like a long post to you but living it on Monday took 6 hours. 

Just sayin😉

Tuesday  morning she seemed really good and happy. She gets tired quickly but we are off steroids this week so hopefully she will be less emotional. 

She has been less tired this week and is able to do more. Still eating more often than normal and gets sad/mad very quickly but not as bad as last week. So we are trying to get mentally prepared for next week on steroids again. Haha

She got a new princess dress yesterday because we went to a carnival and she couldn't do one of the activities. She was pretty sad. She really wanted too. So I promised her a princess dress instead. That made her happy. ;) You got in a ball and roll around in a pool of water. To me it looked like a ball of germs. 

That's Sammy in the ball. 

Sterling 

Jaxon

She LOVES princesses. Sleeping beauty is her favorite. 

July 17, 2014

Brinley started round 4 of chemotherapy on July 14th. The doctors say this is the most intense round. Her numbers will start to drop and she will probably feel like crap during most of it. The mouth sores went away! The solution was colloidal silver; they all went away after a few sprays in her mouth. She should lose the rest of her hair in this next month or so. The doctors added another chemo which makes her pee turn red. Also, they added a high dose of steroids twice a day for a week. Then she gets a week break until they do the steroids again. 

Today she went to Primary Children's for chemotherapy and it was a very hard day for her. She feels awful. She threw up in car on the way there and continued to throw up while sitting at the hospital getting the chemo. The chemo takes 1 1/2 hours to push. Then they had to watch her for a least an hour after. My mom, Brinley, and grandma had to wait 2 hours for the chemo to get there today. It was a long day.

Brinley kept crying and saying sad things like...

"I'm gonna die. What's happening to me?"

"I'm not pretty."

"I'm not getting married."

"I'm not gonna get better."

It breaks our hearts. She has been so strong even though it is so hard on her. Cancer is starting to get real. Thank you for all your prayers and support.

Pictures from today..